George Carlin Quotes

Doesn't it strike you as mildly ironic that most of the people who are against abortion are people you wouldn't want to fuck in the first place?
- George Carlin


famous famous quotes quotes quotations quote saying sayings famous sayings funny sayings funny funny quotes humor comedy jokes funny jokes joke

George Carlin Quotes

George Carlin Quotes

Darryl Stingley, the pro football player, was paralyzed after a brutal hit by Jack Tatum. Now Darryl Stingley’s son plays football, and if the son should become paralyzed while playing, it will not be ironic. It will be coincidental. If Darryl Stingley’s son paralyzes someone else, that will be closer to ironic. If he paralyzes Jack Tatum’s son, that will be precisely ironic.
- George Carlin



Famous Quotes
Famous Quotes

famous famous quotes quotes quotations quote saying sayings famous sayings funny sayings funny funny quotes humor comedy jokes

George Carlin Quotes

Famous Quotes


If a Kurd, after surviving bloody battle with Saddam Hussein’s army and a long, difficult escape through the mountains, is crushed and killed by a parachute drop of humanitarian aid, that, my friend, is irony writ large.

- George Carlin

George Carlin Quotes

Irony is "a state of affairs that is the reverse of what was to be expected; a result opposite to and in mockery of the appropriate result." For instance: a diabetic, on his way to buy insulin, is killed by a runaway truck. He is the victim of an accident. If the truck was delivering sugar, he is the victim of an oddly poetic coincidence. But if the truck was delivering insulin, ah! Then he is the victim of an irony.
- George Carlin

quotes Spelling

George Carlin Quotes

If two baseball players from the same hometown, on different teams, receive the same uniform number, it is not ironic. It is a coincidence. If Barry Bonds attains lifetime statistics identical to his father's, it will not be ironic. It will be a coincidence.
- George Carlin


Funny Quotes Famous Quotes
Funny Awards

George Carlin Quotes

George Carlin Quotes


Irony deals with opposites; it has nothing to do with coincidence.



Funny Quotes Funny Quotes Mark Twain Quotes

George Carlin Quotes - Don't Blame Me

George Carlin Quotes

Don't Blame Me
Floating around the Internet these days, posted and e-mailed back and forth, are a number of writings attributed to me, and I want people to know they're not mine. Don't blame me.

Some are essay-length, some are just short lists of one and two-line jokes, but if they're flyin' around the Internet, they're probably not mine. Occasionally, a couple of jokes on a long list might have come from me, but not often. And because most of this stuff is really lame, it's embarrassing to see my name on it.

And that's the problem. I want people to know that I take care with my writing, and try to keep my standards high. But most of this "humor" on the Internet is just plain stupid. I guess hard-core fans who follow my stuff closely would be able to spot the fake stuff, because the tone of voice is so different. But a casual fan has no way of knowing, and it bothers me that some people might believe I'd actually be capable of writing some of this stuff.
Source: George Carlin's official Web site

George Carlin Quotes - Stuff

George Carlin Quotes - Stuff

A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
- George Carlin

Have you ever noticed that their stuff is shit, and your shit is stuff?
- George Carlin

George Carlin Quotes

George Carlin Quotes

If you've got a cat and a leg, you've got a happy cat. If you've got a cat and two legs, you've got a party.
- George Carlin

George Carlin Quotes

George Carlin Quotes

I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.
- George Carlin

Funny Quotes
Funny Jokes